The Angry Corrie 20: Oct-Dec 1994

Aaargh! Yet more on......White Hole Bagging

Entrapped in the hinterlands of Lesser Albion, picking my ponderous way across the remnants of the handiwork of an over-active mole with a thyroid problem, the contrast with the mountains of more civilised localities suddenly burst upon me like something that bursts upon you very suddenly. (See TAC8, p16 - Ed.) A vision of blinding simplicity presented itself, neatly typed and double-spaced, which would resolve once and for all the vexed problem of that scourge of the serious walker, the greater-spotted Munrobagger, Munrosis Exclusivistis.

The main attraction of "doing" the Munros is that they form a purportedly objective list of summits by height, which keeps the limited mind of the bagger occupied for several years in pursuit of a goal patently attainable by anyone with the standard quota of fully-functioning limbs and enough money to pay for a guide up the In Pinn. (If Murdo can do it, why not?) The glamour is in the curious idea that height equals quality, a theory easily disproved by a couple of hours in the Pond District.

Legislation against discrimination is traditionally ineffective, and attitude-changing is generally a long drawn-out process over generations - consider the length of time taken to breed a "reasonable" landowner. No, to effectively and quickly end the Munrobagging epidemic, we have to tackle the heightist heresy right at its source: Shuggie's Tables.

In order to remove the heightist glamour, and to extend the completion timetable to the degree necessary to deter all but the most chronic cases, an antidote must be found. Diligent TAC researchers have, unwittingly, already uncovered this - the thoroughly unheightist White Holes. These could be "twinned" with Munros in reverse order of tedium so that, for a valid bag to be claimed, a visit must also be made to all the salient points of "interest" on the relevant White Hole. (Perhaps the Sic Munroist could start visiting White Holes in reverse order of tedium once he's finished his Munros...? - Ed.) This would both remove the heinous scourge of heightism from Shuggie's Tables and, at 554 summits/non-summits, put the list beyond the reach of most baggers. Any additional activity on White Holes would contribute to the ongoing erosion, making them even less interesting. The Subliminal Munroists Cartel would probably like the additional exclusivity (snob value) as well, so I anticipate this proposal being implemented about five minutes after they get to hear of it.

"Ruadh Mhor"

NB -

  1. Readers may be aware of the large number of summits in Lesser Albion called Moel something or other. This indicates both how the hill was created and that the Lesser Albinese can't spell. (Surely "Albinos"? - Ed.)
  2. This thesis has no equations, formulae etc, because I don't understand them.
  3. This note is to remedy the scandalous lack of reference in TAC to Meadowbank Thistle FC - the Beinn na Lap of Scottish football. (What, you mean they play near a railway station? - Ed.)

TAC 20 Index