The Angry Corrie 17: Feb-Mar 1994
10 places named after sheep
Village in northwest Scotland, named from a tradition that bekilted locals, rendered so poor by the iniquities of the Clearances, could no longer afford bottles of Wash and Go to cleanse their flocks. Hence they took to simply driving them into the nearest available water supply - in this case, Loch Ewe. The fact that prior to the '45, nearby Loch Maree was also named Loch Ewe confirms that the area around lower Glen Docherty must have at sometime received a visit by the ancient Gaelic bard Mhidal Sassunach.
Similar to Poolewe, in as much that this range of so-called "hills" toward the southwestern extremity of Albion's Plain was named due to cider-drinking yokels being so stupid and inbred that the local sheep actually dipped them. Hence whereas most places had sheep dips, Congrebury, Wedmore and surrounds had "men dips" (see brilliant cartoon).
Village near The Cheviot. Part of the Debatable Lands - ie members of the Oxbridge Unions traditionally spend a week of Michaelmas Term here, arguing whether Berwick Rangers are more likely to win the Scottish Cup than are Gretna to win the FA Cup. A further sporting connection in that legendary Glamorgan cricket captain Wilf Wooller was born here, before moving to
Bit of sea off the west coast of Lesser Albion or Wales. Local seamstresses traditionally wove bright red cardigans for their miner husbands to wear when playing rugby. Occasionally they would knit the arms too long, hence the rugby ground became known as Cardiff Arms Park.
One of the Bergerac islands, in Cardigan Bay. The criterion for selling up and moving there is simple: your car number plate needs to have a J on it, followed by a number roughly equal to the cube root of your annual income.
Town near the Mendips, home of macho ovine slaughter ritual enacted every July. Reckless young men race through streets ahead of an encierro of wildly charging lambs. These are then corralled into the plaza, where bleatadors bludgeon them to death using one of those things you hammer pegs with if you're not a proper camper. Something similar takes place in Shepshed, only in a shed.
Housing scheme on north side of Glasgow. (Note there is a TAC moratorium on use of the word "Springburn", to avoid sounding like Jimmie Macgregor MBE.) It was in Lambhill that fabled Partick Thistle manager John Lambie honed his tanner ba' skills.
Cairnsmore of Fleece
Isolated massif near Galloway on which numerous aircraft have crashed over the years. Doubts linger around the reputed last radio message of a 1947 Avro Anson: "No! No! I don't believe it! A great woolly chieftain in the sky! And it's coming straigh..."; but the legend did briefly give rise to the so-called "Newton Stewart Triangle".
Alternative spelling of quaint Loch Carron fishing village "just around the corner" from Kyle. At least it was a quaint fishing village until all the whitewashed cottages were sold as a job lot to a Sussex timeshare scheme. Harbour transmogrified into "marina" - ie no boat now allowed in unless it has a gin cabinet and its owner also drives a Range Rover. Flockton also often cited as one of Tam Weir's favourite villages, along with Gartocharn, Shieldaig, Diabaig and Downholme-cum-Tweezel in Surrey, where his sister Molly lives.
Elegant Catalan city, home to recent Olympics, subject of duet by Freddie Mercury and Kiri Te Kanawa. Unconfirmed rumours suggest that Queen are about to reform under the name Right Fred's Dead.