The Angry Corrie 16: Dec 1993-Jan 1994


Mountaineering Melodies No. 12:
I'd do anything for love (But I won't do that)

Girl: Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town? Will you make it all a little less cold?

Boy: I can do that! I can do that!

Girl: I know the territory - I've been around. It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down. And sooner or later you'll be screwing around..

Boy: I won't do that! / won't do that!

Meatloaf: I'd do anything for love (But I won't do that). 1993

All of life is here. Well, all of life in the hillclimbing sense at least.

Scenario 1: Sensible Girl says Look, I'll go along the Aggy Ridge with you provided you give me a hand on the really aggy bits and so long as it's warm enough to sit about and eat our pieces, okay? Too-cocky-by-half Boy responds, I can do that! (twice, for effect) when what will really happen is he strides on ahead, gets all sarcastic and patronising on the pinnacles, and generally treats her like shit.

Scenario 2: Some time later. Original boyfriend ditched, new Rock Athlete in tow. Debate about safety ensues. She again looks for reassurance - that the ledge on which they are poised will not "turn to dust". Discussion then turns to climbing ethics, with concern that he will use more points of aid than is absolutely necessary. Screwing around, bolting controversy, top-rope cleaning, call it what you will...

Two things remain unclear however. Exactly what is it he won't do for love - abseil off a shoogly spike? Buy OS Sheet 12? Appear in the opening titles for The Golden Cagoule? And why, at the end of the accompanying video, does the Boy supposedly win the hand of the Girl by turning from a hideous-looking ogre into... well, into Meatloaf? V.Diff, that one.


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