The Angry Corrie 16: Dec 1993-Jan 1994

4 Reasons why mountainbiking is a Good Idea...

  • The availability of a much greater number of surfaces on which to injure yourself. These include trees, boulders, cliffs, boulders, logs, sheep and boulders. Compare to the lot of the walker and you realise the new avenues mountainbiking opens up.
  • Then there is the issue of clothing. Mountainbiking belongs to that elite group of sports where the aim of the clothing is to reveal as much of the bodily contours as possible. This puts it on a par with rockclimbing, as well as making it an ideal sport for would-be strippers. There is also the requirement to incorporate the entire spectrum in one garment.
  • The great number of skills needed for mountainbiking make walking appear tame. I mean, even braindead idiots can walk, but how many can do a one-handed wheelie or a 20ft bunnyhop, eh? (Surely these are definitions of braindead idiocy? - Ed.)
  • Finally, the great rewards of a long downhill outweigh all negative points. 100s of feet's worth of opportunities to maim your body, wreck your bike and rip your clothes is not to be sniffed at - and is certainly worth the five hours of hell pushing your bike up.

... and 4 Reasons why mountainbiking is a Bad Idea

  • The idiot factor. Looking like an irradiated space beetle may induce compliments from fellow space beetles, but to Jo Public you look like an escapee from Carstairs. Recent research suggests walkers are heading in the same direction, albeit in a milder form. Partial idiocy, or just mountainbikers trying to get out?
  • Total incompatibility with the hairy mountain man image. The long beard causes great wind resistance, and we all know cyclists shave their legs. In one short paragraph we have the reason why Murdo and the rest of the TAC staff (who they? - Ed.) will never be seen injuring themselves with a bike.
  • The necessity of wearing a helmet puts paid to all Tom Weir types.A woolly,"this has been up every hill in Scotland" bunnet complete with pom-pom is as vital to them as long hair was to Samson.
  • Finally, all those collectors of fancy gear (Think Pink, Rohan etc) will be as reluctant to get it dirty as is John Major to make policy statements. Mountain men? Don't make me laugh!

Gavin Smith

TAC 16 Index

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