The Angry Corrie 15: Oct-Nov 1993

Great Cockup

Chris Cant

Harangued by the TAC editor, I am again forced to ruminate on sleeping issues...

Getting to sleep can be tricky. I have heard that some contemplate their next Munro, E3 or whatever. Me, I stray further... wondering what would happen if walkers had to make up names for the hills in the same way that climbers name their routes. The names of rock climbs range from the plain boring Route One, through names of pop songs, to the clever Kipling Groove (Ruddy Hard) and even the downright racist. Not to mention the excessive Mohammed the Mad Monk from Moorside Home for Mental Misfits.

Of course the hills were named some time ago, given an air of respectability by being unpronounceable to anyone south- west of Kyleakin. (OK, I know most Gaelic teachers live in Glasgow.) A little penetration reveals that they have translations such as Red Lump, Eagle Ridge, etc. Meall an Suite sounds like 'Meal and Sweetie' - nice. Some names are economical with the truth, eg that father of all hills, Devil's Point. Why is the motherly Pap or Cioch always in the singular? The Arrochar Alps have been mentioned in earlier issues of TAC. One name seems ahead of its time: Inaccessible Pinnacle, bearing in mind today's Access problems: landowners don't take all major credit cards.

I suppose a few modern hill names might be:

Ben Coniferous Struggle
Ben and Gone
Ben Forbidden
Sgurr Mish with Landowner
Stac Em High Sell Em Cheap
Loch Roineabhal
Mount Keen Bagger
Glas Oui Jan
Carn Eige on A9
Ben Johnston
Stob Me Toe.

We might walk through the Minimum Pass to camp by Loch Stock and Barrel or Loch Stein. Up in Coire Feargach we might come across a Tick Insect. It is a bit surprising that we do not have a Beinn Winnie Mandela. Has anyone else any other suggestions?

Needless to say, the Plain Albions take the biscuit, naming one of their hills Great Cockup.

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