The Angry Corrie 15: Oct-Nov 1993

Financial Report

Anyone who has retired from the tedious business of going up hills only to have to come down them again might imagine that the Scottish hills are a haven of calm and tranquility. But recent Ordnance Survey maps show that competition is fierce in certain areas, with the process of orogenesis outpacing the forces of erosion. There have been some significant gains and losses since the accounts were last published in 1984. Here is an exclusive preview of some of the updates you can expect to find in the next edition of Shug's Furniture:

Beinn a'Bhuird up 1 to 1197
Binnein Mor up 2 to 1130
Creag Meagaidh down 2 to 1128
Stob Ghabhar up 3 to 1090
Beinn Heasgarnich up 2 to 1078
Liathach up 1 to 1055
Meall nan Tarmachan up 1 to 1044
Beinn an Dothaidh up 2 to 1004
Aonach Mheadhoin down 2 to 1001
Beinn Alligin up 1 to 986
Sgorr Ruadh up 2 to 962
Binnein Beag up 3 to 943

On the joint stocks index, Slioch Trig Point weakened against the North Top, which edged one point ahead on 981, but The Saddle Trig Point held firm against its close rival on 1010. Beinn Eighe is bidding to join this group, with Spidean Coire nan Clach racing up from 972 to 993, closing fast on Ruadh Stac Mor which remains solid, also on 1010.

There have been wholesale changes in the Donalds market, but no-one worth speaking of is interested in these so we won't bother going on about them here. (Excuse me...! - Donaphile Ed.)

The scramble to escape relegation at the foot of the Premier League is hotting up, with several stragglers picking up useful points. Meall na Teanga is up from 917 to 918, while Beinn a'Chlaidheimh has climbed to 916 points, leaving Beinn Teallach anchored to the foot of the table on 915 and in danger of a quick return to the lower flight.

Supporters of Sgiath Chuil are alarmed by its sudden plunge into the danger area, dropping from 935 to 921 after being fined 14 points for bribing a cartographer. The top of the first division sees several outfits jostling for promotion. Long-time leader Beinn Dearg has been joined on 914 points by Foinaven, but the chasing pack are starting to gain ground. Meall Buidhe of Glen Lyon is up from 907 to 910, joining Beinn Dearg Mor on that mark. Right on their heels is Leum Uilleim, up from 906 to 909. Unfancied Ben Tee recently picked up three very useful points to reach 904, overtaking Beinn Damh which gained one to move from 902 to 903. Both would have a good chance of making the play-offs, except that they don't have them in Scotland. At the bottom of the table Beinn Talaidh dropped two points from 763 to 761, and now seems certain to slip into the Graham-Marilyn Poxhill Conference.

In England, the top of the table continues to draw very large crowds, but a series of 0-0 draws has left the leading positions unchanged, while the big three in Wales are still undecided over whether to continue competing with top English attractions or set up their own table. In New Zealand, a landslide in the form of Mount Cook has left it under close threat from the challenge of Mount Tasman, and it has lost its coveted total of 12345 feet. In the Grandmaster class, Chomolungma-goddess-mother-of- the-universe has finally shaken off the challenge from young Pakistani champion Kaitu and emerged as world champion for a record 131st year.

Further updates are expected after the next ice age in about 600 million years time, or whenever the SMC do something constructive, whichever happens first.

Alan Blanco
(of the Glasgow School of Boys and Numbers)

Ed. - Eager as ever to put in a good word for the much maligned Borders, the biggest recent collapse has seen Black Meldon, near Peebles, plunge from 468 to 407 - an astonishing 13% of its total value - whilst near neighbour White Meldon remained solid on 427. In recent years, only St Mirren and the architecture of Sir Basil Spence have had comparably disastrous records.

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