The Angry Corrie 8: Jul-Aug 1992

10 Differences between Glen Coe and Seb Coe

So we've dealt with Shakespeare v Glen Coe (TAC1), given the beardy bard his right to reply (TAC2), then compared Shakespears Sister with the Glen Coe Sisters (TAC7). You think we've exhausted the idea? Think again!

  1. Glen Coe is in Argyll, Seb Coe is in Falmouth and Cambourne.
  2. Glen Coe is bounded on all sides by spectacular peaks such as Bidean nam Bian and the Aggy Ridge. Falmouth and Cambourne is surrounded on all sides by totally flat bits of England such as the Norfolk Broads, Anne Hathaway's Cottage and Portland Bill.
  3. In 1981, Seb Coe broke the world records for 800m, 1000m and the mile. In 1991, Glen Coe broke the world records for the most number of Saga Holiday coaches seen end-to-end, the highest concentration of pipers in a single layby, and for having the most crap songs sung about it by Moira Kerr.
  4. The current odds on Seb Coe becoming Prime Minister by the year 2010 are 20 to 1. The odds on Glen Coe doing likewise are somewhat longer - as, too, are those for the Glen being part of a country over which Seb has no dominion when the time comes.
  5. Glen Coe is infamous for the 1692 massacre which saw many poor people suffer terrible injustice at the hands of the powers-that-be. Seb Coe is a member of an equally infamous organisation which successfully re-enacted this injustice on a nationwide basis in 1989 by introducing the Poll Tax.
  6. Seb Coe has long campaigned against the abuse of drugs in his sport. Glen Coe has long been the scene of secretive wacky-baccy smoking in such corners as the Lost Valley, Ossian's Cave and Dr McSharkie's tent.
  7. Glen is a common enough first name not only in Scotland (Nevis, Shiel, Brittle etc), but in the wider world at large (Close, Miller, Morangie). Seb - or Sebastian as he's told to be called - is a silly, antiquated name with upperclass pretensions. Apart from the original Sebastian - an androgynous Saint shot through with arrows - the only one we can think of is Sebastian Flyte, the publicschool twit who trailed around with a teddybear in Brideshead Revisited
  8. Looking at things from a Yin and Yang point of view, Seb Coe's temperamental antithesis was Steve Ovett: a laidback, easygoing Corinthian-type athlete who used to signal 'I love you' to his girlfriend at the end of races regardless of whether he won or lost. The opposite of Glen Coe is probably something like the Henley Regatta, the Tissington Welldressings - or, of course, the Complete Works of Shakespeare.
  9. Another famous real-life Glen is Country & Western megastar Glen Campbell. This is ironic given it was the Campbells who massacred all the poor sods in Glen Coe in the first place. If a similar paradox was to emerge from Seb Coe's name, it would be something along the lines of Carl ben-Johnson, Fatima Sanderson or Yvonne McColgan.
  10. If you try saying 'Sebastian is MP for Falmouth' very fast with your mouth full, it comes out something like 'He's a foulmouthed bastard'. Strangely, this very type of person is to be found loitering in the Glen Coe laybys after closingtime most weekends of the year these days.

TAC 8 Index