The Scunnert Munroist
by Dave McFadzean
Ah'm a puir retired Munroist, whae thocht he'd din his lot,
and o' weekends baggin' at Munros, Ah had lang syne forgot,
but noo up tae Rhiconich, or Loch Stack, Ah'll hae tae trot,
for some silly sods wae a satellite hae managed a new Munro tae plot.
Noo satellites are a' richt and weill for watching Sky TV,
for then we don't need tae watch 'The Munro Show' or McGregor on BBC;
but this latest ploy has got us beat, jist you wait and see:
aye, it's only a matter o' time before it's taen up wae the SMC.
And their journal will print orders, frae Donaldson and Broon
tae be read by irate Munroists, frae a' the country roon,
that if yer still fit and able, they'll grant ye this boon,
ye'll still be ca'ed a Munroist if ye visit Foinaven's summit croon.
Noo some peaks Ah thocht micht be promoted, tae become Munros someday,
for Mither Earth's ayeways shiftin, and boffins are aye at play,
and Ah thocht on Beinn Dearg in Torridon, or Knoydart's Sgurr a' Choire-Bheithe
but why did they choose Foinaven? - it's hellish far away.
Aye, Ah thocht ma quest wis ower, Ah had obtained ma Golden Fleece,
and that Ah could hing up ma ice axe and retire tae live in peace;
but this game drags on forever, will it never cease?
Aye, it's a lang wiy tae Rhiconich when ye stiy doon near Dumfries.
But there will be nae escape, nae matter whae yer frae,
there's the lang drive tae Rhiconich, and the trudge up the brae;
but Ah will hae the last laugh, when tae Foinaven's hichts Ah gae,
for though Ah'll hae din anither Munro, there'll be a Corbett less tae dae.
TAC 4 Index