The Angry Corrie 1: May 1991

Braes beefs (readers' letters)

LEG GLANCE

Dear TAC,

Several of my friends are often to be seen wearing the "Rohan" brand of trousers. Is there, I wonder, any connection between this trademark and the great Rohan Kanhai who played 79 tests for the West Indies between 1957 & 1973? I once saw him bat at Old Trafford.

Yours etc,

Garfield Trumper-Bradman, Orpington, Kent.

MUNROSCATOLOGY

Dear TAC,

I wonder if you and your readers would be interested to hear details of my recent completion of a round of the "Munros", during which I successfully relieved my bowels on each of the 279 summits. This is, as far as I am aware, a unique and singular achievement - although I would be happy to hear from any other readers who have pre-empted me. The idea emerged as a modification of the old tradition of adding a stone to the cairn of each climbed hill, and has proved remarkably rewarding and stimulating - as well as being more "eco-friendly" than the former wanton dismantling of the hillside: a very important factor, might I add, in this"green" day and age. Appropriately, my twelve years of strenuous effort came to fruition on Lochnagar's Cac Carn Beag (little pile of shite).

As you can well imagine, the task I set myself was far from easy - especially in the early days, before my digestive system was fully able to cope with the rigours of some of the longer western ridge systems. (So much so that the South Cluanie Ridge required a total of 4 visits before its 7 peaks could be rightly claimed.) Later, however, I adapted so well to my special diet of prunes and bean pieces that I was easily able to emulate the late Philip Tratner's example and "drop my load" on all 19 tops flanking Glen Nevis in the course of one long and immensely satisfying summer's day. Winter brought its special problems - as a fortnight's skingraft and surgery in the Ninewells frostbite clinic was to testify. Unhappiest moment must surely be the near-injury arising out of iceaxes thrown by climbers following my successful "topping-out" of the In.Pinn., whilst it is worth remarking that I seemed to find myself alone on a disproportionately high number of summits. Oh the solitude of Scotland's mountains!

Ultimately, though, a large crowd of companions were present at the cairn of Lochnagar last Sunday to witness the completion of what one of them jokingly referred to as my own brand of anal fixation.

With this success under my belt, so to speak, my new ambition is to broaden the experience of others, especially the younger generation, by encouraging some of the pupils at the school where I teach to follow in my footsteps.

Yours etc,

Bill McTurdo, Fife.

ANY CHANCE?

Dear TAC,

I am a keen "Munro-Bagger", and have a problem. I have just returned from Skye and an awe-inspiring encounter with the Inaccessible Pinnacle. For me it appears the name is literally true. However, I have been up Ben Lomond twice and am wondering if anyone with two ascents of Sgurr Dearg's lofty eminence would be interested in a swap. We did this all the time at school with bubblegum cards.

Donald Corbett-Munro, Carnwath.

SCUD-U-LIKE

Dear TAC,

I really think it an absolute disgrace that selfish-minded and incompetent "mountaineers" are continually having to be rescued from our hills. Such rank stupidity kept several of our RAF crews from joining our brave lads in the Gulf, and if I had my way I would have forcibly conscripted all the climbers and packed them off there too. A spell under the hot desert sun would soon have taught them a thing or two about "the Great Outdoors". The Scotch Highlands should have been closed off for the duration I say.

Yours etc,

Mrs Pat Rait-Missile, Stow-on-the-Wold.

BISCUIT TIN

Dear TAC,

I really must say the time has come for the board of directors at Celtic Park to stand up & be counted. It's no use us fans having to forever blame Billy McNeill for bad results when Jack McGinn & his cronies refuse to put their money where their mouths is & splash out on some new young blood. And as for the state of the pies! Bring back Kenny Dalglish as manager I say!

Fergal O'Fenian,

Upthera Street, Barlanark.

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